And you know what? I'm okay with that, lol. I really am. I was angry for about five minutes and then I let the anger go.
I realized that something I did in the past (perhaps in another life) caused this to happen now. Simple as that. So who should I be angry at...myself? Lol.
I don't have to be angry or happy about it. I can view the situation as it is and take the appropriate steps to try to rectify things.
Everything happens for a reason right? There is cause and effect. I've been saying how I want to live somewhere more remote and quiet, but I likely would not have taken the steps to make that happen. Maybe the conditions are manifesting that will make this possible. Who knows?
The problem arose for me when I started thinking about the worry and stress this bank issue will cause for others. This caused me to be sad for awhile.
I have the problem of feeling others pain to much, making it my own. I am now learning how to deal with this in a better way. Just as I am reaping my kamma so are others. This is how I must think of it in order to get past the sorrow I feel for others suffering.
I know having empathy is a good thing. However, what good is it for me to learn to accept things as they are and not have feelings one way or the other if I'm going to let feelings take over me every time I know someone is hurting? I have to work on this.
I wish I had the ability to express myself more clearly. I have only an eighth grade education and it causes me so much frustration when I can't put into words what I'm really trying to say.
Recently I asked someone for advice via email and they gave me wonderful advice and I said to them " I would like more practical advice" lol. I did not realize until I went back and looked at that email that I practically insulted them. I often use words out of context and say something I don't mean at all. I'm sorry for this :(
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